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Apr 5, 2005
------------Physical Science------------
"But once in awhile, we find a new particle! And then everyone gets excited and writes a paper and gets a Nobel prize!"
-Prof. Woodward
"If your doctor tells you that you need a PET scan, he's talking about shooting anti-matter into your head, but don't worry. You'll be okay."
-Prof. Woodward
"If you see a little flash of light in the sky that quickly disappears, it's probably a meteor. *long pause* Might be a UFO coming to get you, but probably a meteor."
-Prof. Woodward
------------Psychology------------
"I know I'm beating a horse. *long pause* Er..."
-Prof. Potash
"I'm part of the figure. If this afternoon, you were called down to the Appleton Police Dept. to pick me out of a lineup, you'd have no problem with it."
-Prof. Potash, explaining figure-ground relationship
------------U.S. History From 1945------------
"...the maide to the ayor in Newark..."
-Prof. Sheehan, being a little lysdexic
discussing the video of the 1960 presidential debate between Kennedy & Nixon
April: They show Kennedy writing, which makes him look smarter.
Sheehan: Yeah... "Need to buy groceries, call Marilyn..." I mean, who knows what he's writing, but he looks good.
"I mean, Nixon's giving us a history lecture. What's more boring that than? *dead silence from class* ...You can laugh at that."
-Prof. Sheehan
Posted at 12:41 am by Pockets
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Mar 29, 2005
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO - What a Ride!"
Posted at 08:27 pm by Pockets
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Feb 9, 2005
Ivy-Covered Professors... Saying Really Clever Things
"They thought, 'Ah-ha! There must be another planet closer to the sun.' which they tentatively named Vulcan, which, incidentally, is where Star Trek got the name for the planet Spock came from... nevermind. So, they looked for it and looked for it and couldn't find it for the very good reason that it isn't there."
-Dr. Woodward, explaining the early explanation for Mercury's shifting orbit
"Uh... 'example' has an 'a' in it, doesn't it? I teach physics, not spelling."
-Dr. Woodward
"There's gonna be no more garbage... and we're gonna be awfully frigging happy about it. She looks like she needs a Valium..."
-Prof. Sheehan, about a 1950s ad for a garbage disposal
Posted at 05:25 pm by Pockets
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Feb 2, 2005
Start off the School year by being Special...
Physical Science
*pulls cord to pull down projector screen and cord detaches* The worst thing is that you can't blame this on Microsoft!
-Dr. Woodward
Dr. Woodward: *attempts to run an animation in Windows Media Player* Well, since the animations aren't working today...
Dannon: That, you can blame on Microsoft!
I have this metal ball and I'm going to flick it. *flick* Woo. That was exciting.
-Dr. Woodward, explaining force in relation to motion
I don't claim to be an expert ball-flicker, of course.
-Dr. Woodward, being Dr. Woodward
This is one reason that minivans seldom win car races.
-Dr. Woodward, explaining how difference in mass affects force
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U.S. History From 1945
So, if you get up at 4 a.m., spend your 3 hours writing your paper, but then your dog dies, your printer breaks down, you get a flat tire and a meteor hits your house, then you can e-mail it to me to avoid the late penalties.
-Prof. Sheehan
Student: I bartend.
Sheehan: Where?
Student: Omro.
Sheehan: Where's Omro?
Where's Hortonville?
-Prof. Sheehan
Maybe he'd never seen the movie. No? What sport did he coach?
-Prof. Sheehan, after I told him about being taught that The Patriot is about the civil war
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Quantitative Reasoning
Prof. Oakland: So, "per" means "divided by" and the hyphen means multiplication.
Me: Wait, so the minus sign means multiplication? I'm so screwed.
Posted at 11:29 am by Pockets
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Oct 28, 2004
Who Says That?!
Amanda:
No, I swear, he [Kerry] is made of Play-doh!
Adrienne:
Gumby's running for President?
Amanda:
Nooo... I think he's one of the Blockheads.
I'm gonna tell you "You're dead, and there's no 'Yucky' after dead."
-Susan, discussing a survey for her example organ donation speech
(Watching an Anthropology Film)
Mike:
Does that anthropologist strike you as an ass?
Amanda:
He strikes me as having a very small penis and a very tight asshole. On the other hand, this one is hung like a horse.
Film Narrator:
What sort of people were these Neanderthals?
Mike:
Well, they weren't much on home improvement!
Anthropologist:
Sometimes, early homo sapiens even went to the desert to spend some time...
Mike:
Like... 40 days?
Film Narrator:
They [h. sapiens] were so different, they might have been a different species, that couldn't even mate with you [Neanderthals].
Mike:
In other words, if you can't fuck it, kill it.
Cameron:
Where's a polar bear when you need one?
Amanda:
That's what you're supposed to be for - you and your heat-conducting crotch. Come here, crotch: I'm cold!
Student:
So basically, what you're saying is, they believe that, one day, out of the blue, some random Homo Erectus randomly gave birth to a Homo Sapiens?
Prof. Pleger:
So basically... no, not really.
Keira Knightley's the angriest Smurf ever in that movie!
-Nate, about King Arthur
Really, the closest thing we have today to Medieval minstrels are strippers.
-Kyle
And we're all running around with chickens like our heads off!
-Nichole
Games... I hate games! ...Unless they're fun.
-Travis
Amanda:
Let's watch home videos! You could see me when I was cute & little!
Cameron:
No... you are cute! ...And ...all grown up.
Amanda:
Hm. Nice save.
Susan:
The book's probably about $6 or $7 in the bookstore.
Student:
$13, actually.
Susan:
Thirteen dollars?! They are anally raping you!
Does anyone not know the story? Okay, Romeo & Juliet love each other, they're from different families, everyone dies.
-Susan
Posted at 11:43 pm by Pockets
Permalink
May 7, 2004
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
-Howard Aiken
After all... life really is simple... we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it.
-Unknown
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
-Brian W. Kernighan
Sex should be wild. Unfettered and free. We're animals, aren't we? And, basically, we're all wolves in sheep's fur. I always wanted more. Not frequency, I am not talking about frequency; although that would have been great, too. I wanted more intensity. I wanted to be out there, outside myself, outside my skin. I wanted sex to be like robbing life out of the jaws of death!
-Robin Green, Northern Exposure
Posted at 03:20 pm by Pockets
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May 3, 2004
Jesus H. Christ In Tangy Dipping Sauce!
-Aaron!
I only watch Baywatch for the articles.
-Allan
Spin in circles to feel dizzy & funny. It's healthier than doing drugs.
-Laura
Ohw!! I forgot that Icebreakers has those little crystals that randomly explode & are, like, CINNAMON! It hurts sometimes!
-Nichole
During filming of LotR3, Ian McKellan asked, 'Why am I hitting these people, and not just blasting them with my staff?'
Peter Jackson told him, 'The batteries have run out.'
He just looked at Jackson and said, 'Right, then.'
Posted at 11:57 pm by Pockets
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Apr 4, 2004
Amanda: Who wants physical evidence of love? I'm all about some supernatural higher being who supposedly exists to love me...
Nichole: You know, when you're swimming in a pool, that warm spot... that isn't urine: that's God's love surrounding you... How's that for physical?
Posted at 01:12 pm by Pockets
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Mar 23, 2004
“We don't speak English. We're Americans -- we've made the English Language our bitch.”
-The Mighty Buzzard
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn."
-Jos Whedon, about WB cancelling Angel
(I have more, I just need to go get my notebook... I'll put them in here later)
Posted at 03:04 pm by Pockets
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Feb 7, 2004
Gotta Love Those Professors...
Forgive the indelicacy, but, no matter how hard you try, you can't polish a turd.
-Dr. Curl, speaking of Anthony Hopkin's version of Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus
Most of the sonnets of this time were about the pains of love... or guys trying to get laid.
-Dr. Curl
There is a reason that Cupid has an arrow that pierces your heart and not pixie dust to sprinkle on you like Tinkerbell!
-Dr. Curl
Mercutio's the party-guy. He's the one looking for the after-party. He's the guy who'll call you at 6 a.m. the next morning, wanting to go out to breakfast.
-Dr. Curl
You can imagine the police standing over the pile of bodies and saying, "Well, maybe he over-reacted... but, he did bite his thumb at him.
-Dr. Curl, speaking of Act I, Scene I of Romeo & Juliet
You people don't do well in Trivial Pursuit, do you?
-Dr. Allen, speaking of the entire class
You end up like a self-indulgent child who's missed his afternoon nap.
-Dr. Allen, speaking of Shelley's Stanzas Written In Dejection
That's right, Shelley. You said it: it's a nice day, and you're whining!
-Dr. Allen, still speaking of Shelley's Stanzas
A 300 lb book isn't really conducive to taking it over to your neighbor's to discuss it, unless you want to load it into a cart first.
-Dr. Berger, speaking of reasons that the printing press made intellectual discussion much easier
Posted at 11:07 am by Pockets
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